Part 34: Part Thirty-Four: Zell Saves the Day
Part Thirty-Four: Zell Saves the Day
Back in the cell, Selphie is drawing Cure off Zell. I don't even know if Zell has Cure.

It's not going so well, though.


Is magic use a big problem in prisons? Seems like it wouldn't really be a widespread criminal tool.

Oh, here's a, uh, a thing. With dinner.

Speaking of not going well.


Oh hey, this idiot is back.

In case you'd forgotten, he's mean.

Only one of these can reasonably be called "good manners".

I think Zell could take Mean Guy.

Selphie, Zell, and Quistis together could definitely take him.

This match goes better for Zell than the last one.

Yeah, see ya round, asshole.





While she works on that, let's check in with Squall.

Because they get paid to?

Edea is taking the whole "assassination attempt" pretty personally.



Very personally.

Squall would probably be yelling this out loud if he hadn't just been tortured.


That seems a bit disproportionate, but what do I know?
(This shot included so you can see Seifer poking Squall in the dick with his gunblade.)


See, this is why people don't like sorceresses.

Oh, I'm sure it'll be a riot.



Warden: Don't mess with me! Edea says you know something! Now spit it out!


That's what they say.
Warden: Hm? Yeah, so!?

Squall doesn't know anything, but if you pay attention to a lot of small things in the dialogue, the player can get a sense that something weird is going on. Regardless, though, it works to set up Edea as a villain; having Seifer do the torturing shows that she's not the type to dirty her own hands, and having missiles launched at Garden shows she's not the type to take half-measures.

Anyway, back to the task at hand.

Let's start out this torture sequence by lying to the guy. Classic torture strategy.

Warden: What's that?

Warden: What did you say?

This is maybe not the winningest lie he could have come up with.


You're not convincing anyone, buddy.

Warden: What then? SeeD wants to bring love and peace to the world...?
I'm sure Selphie would corroborate that if you asked her.
Warden: Ha haha hah! Don't make me laugh! You can't fool me!

Warden: ...What?


This one's not canon.

A real SeeD would just take the torture.


The setup is the same.

Warden: What did you say?

Squall, unwilling to just be left to die, decides to hurry it along.


Turns out insulting the torturer gets you more tortured. Who knew?


At least I don't have to mash on triangle.
Warden: Tch! Completely knocked out cold. Hey! You 2 Moombas! Watch him!

That's enough of Squall, I guess.

Now we get to walk around our cell. This bit of the game isn't really gameplay-heavy.

Selphie's not optimistic about their prospects.

Now I'm not optimistic about their prospects.

We cannot talk to or collide with the moomba.



Selphie's a fun character. By the way, this line doesn't show up unless you stop the Mean Guy from beating up the moomba.

The moomba is not on board with Selphie's plan.



Too bad they take your weapons away in jail.

Fun fact: I've always parsed that line as "get them back somehow" and just now noticed the actual word order.

Pictured: Zell remembering that he knows how to punch.


Finally, Zell is going to save the day.



Okay, how are you gonna get out of the cell?




Mean Guy: What's the problem?


I imagine this line as just being completely incredulous. This is the most basic ploy there is.

He comes in anyway.

And Zell drops him in one punch.

See ya, Zell.

The moomba just wants to get away from Selphie.


And we're off, for the first real gameplay section since Winhill!


I think I gave every GF to Zell. I definitely loaded him up for Strength.

Then I went the wrong way.


This is where I should be.

My dude, should you really be playing with that just in the middle of the floor?

Jesus Christ, he impaled the other guy! This is why you never wave your gunblade around in the hallway!

Safety Video Victim: Is this what they call a gunblade?
Safety Video Star: Check these out, a whip, nunchaku...


Why didn't they take Zell's gloves away?

So, in order to get our shit back, we have to beat up two guards.

Guards are pretty much identical to G-Soldiers, except they have 1 more point in Speed.


He wouldn't be able to survive that hit until level 61.


Probably the biggest difference between Guards and G-Soldiers is that Guards have status magic to draw instead of basic elemental spells.


Blind is semi-useful, especially if you like Renzokuken.


Congratulations, Zell and Moomba.